December 19, 2023, I went to get my hair colored and was telling my beautician when it seems like everything that could go wrong goes wrong, that this is the best time to get excited because it means something great is on the way.

December 20, 2023, 8:53am I walked into the emergency room with shoulder and chest pain. I was also short of breath, and it hurt every time I tried to breath in.

As serious as my symptoms sound and as much pain as I was in, I honestly believed that it was not going to be anything serious and that they would run their tests and send me on my way.

You see two days prior to my ER visit, I had an appointment with my primary care physician, and I felt great that day and the visit went well. It wasn’t until later that night that all of my symptoms started, but I didn’t want to panic, and I just knew I would feel better the next day.

The next day came, and I felt worse. As a former nurse, I tried to find all kinds of things to explain away my symptoms and I actually scheduled a workout session for Wednesday morning. It’s amazing how often we as women will explain away our pain in order to not face it.

But Wednesday morning came, and I couldn’t take the pain anymore.

Tests after test was ran and 4pm the doctor walked into my room and said, “the scans showed pulmonary embolism in your lungs, you have blood clots in both lungs.”

I’ve never had a panic attack before, but in that moment, I felt like that’s what I was having because my mind flashed back to three weeks prior when my mom called me to say someone who went to school with me (same age) had died from this same thing.

I’ve had near death experiences before, but this time felt completely different.

I knew I had a life-threatening condition, and I had time to process how I felt about this.

At this point in my life, I am at a place where I am not afraid to die, but in that moment, I realized more than ever that I wanted to live.

I wanted to live to accomplish the things God wants to do through me.

I wanted to live to see my son grow into the man God created him to be.

I wanted to live to see loved ones I have prayed for come to Jesus.

I was not ready to die, and I feel so blessed that God said “no, it wasn’t my time.”

I have been given a chance that many others did not get, and I know it was for a reason. There is more that God wants to do in me and through me. I have cried so much this past week tears of joy because I am truly grateful to still be here.

2024 and the devil better watch out because I am about to be and do everything God has called me to be and do. I am showing up unapologetically, taking my power back, and doing all that I can do to help others do the same. Death tried to come for me, but God said, “no.” Therefore, I say “yes” to letting God use me in anyway and anywhere He chooses. Who’s with me?