Our family went on a cruise back in July for my son’s 16th birthday and I can’t fully explain it, but that cruise was a pivotal moment for me.

After we got home, I was ready to book the next cruise and the way I was doing my day-to-day life has completely changed. Although I have never been one to really hustle and grind, I had found myself caught up in the social media trap.

As someone who coaches and mentors, I was trained that I needed to have a social media presence in order to make any kind of impact and although I was never a big fan of social media, I put aside my feelings and I did like most people do, I conformed.

So, I spent a lot of time creating content, posting regularly, and connecting with people because I believed that was the only way I would reach the people I was called to reach.

Now don’t get me wrong, I actually like creating inspirational content and doing whatever I can to motivate others to not settle but believe for God’s best for their lives.

It wasn’t what I was doing that was the problem, but how and why I was doing it.

Have you ever found yourself doing something that you actually wanted to do, but then you realized that you were doing it for the wrong reasons, or you weren’t doing it in a way that was authentic to you?

I believe God has something for each and every one of us that He has called us to do in certain seasons of our lives and I also believe that even if we don’t feel worthy or capable of doing that thing, I believe if we are obedient, we will find joy in doing what God has asked us to do.

I have talked to a lot of people for work and also just in general because I love talking and getting to know people and I have been amazed at how many times I’ve asked people “what brings you joy?” and how many people say they don’t know what brings them joy.

But I always say that I believe we overcomplicate things, and so I just wanted to share three ways that if you’re one of those people who don’t know what brings you joy, I want to help make your search a little easier.

1. Keep Your Eyes Forward (on Jesus) – In this social media obsessed world where they have coined a term “death scroll,” I think we all have become very distracted. I can be honest and say I have found myself scrolling on social media while saying to myself “I need to get off of here,” yet continuing to scroll for sometimes hours at a time. I mean how could you possibly know what brings you joy when you’re busy watching other people’s “joy” and comparing your life to theirs. What’s even sadder is that a lot of what we see on social media isn’t even real. People share what they want you to see, so you start getting in your feelings about your life when the person you’re comparing yourself to is living a lie.

This is why now more than ever; we have to keep our eyes on Jesus. We got to stop looking to the left and to the right and do like the saying goes “stay in your lane.” When you stop focusing on what others are doing and focus on what is God calling you to do, you will begin to see He has great plans for you and that’s where joy can be found- doing the things and being where God wants you to be.

2.  Take a Moment– For me our cruise allowed me to take a moment because we spent good money and there was so much to do and see, I was very intentional about leaving my phone in the room every time we stepped out to do something. Truthfully before the cruise, I was excited to capture all the fun we were going to have so I could share on social media how blessed I was, but then I realized everything doesn’t have to be shared. As someone who finds joy in traveling with family, I knew I needed to be fully present and actually enjoy our time together. Many times, you maybe already doing something that brings you joy, but you have allowed other things to suck the joy out of it. For example, teaching may bring you joy, but because teaching often doesn’t pay much, you may try to go find something else to do instead of figuring out how can I make teaching work without the financial burden. This could mean finding other ways to bring in income (temporarily) to pay off debt, so there’s no added pressure to make a certain income. Sometimes all you need is to take a moment to look at things from a different perspective.

3. Stop Trying to Fit In – We all have struggled with this one whether we want to admit it or not. I remember attending a conference in 2017 where a young lady prophesied that I enjoyed being a homemaker and that there would be pressure to feel like I needed to do “more.” Everything she was saying spoke to my heart, but the irony of it was that I was at a conference for entrepreneurs. I do believe God has given me an entrepreneurial spirit, but I also believe I was trying to fit into that space way sooner than I was called to. Every day we see people leaving their 9-5, people starting YouTube channels, people trying to become real estate investors and it’s like “wait a minute,” is that really what God called you to do or are you giving into the pressure of what “everyone” else seems to be doing. You will never experience true joy in something God didn’t call you to, and that can be applied to careers, relationships, friendships, etc. I am learning more and more that I wasn’t called to fit in and if you found yourself here, I’m guessing you weren’t called to fit in either.

One of my favorite scriptures is Nehemiah 8:10, “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” If you have been searching for joy in all the wrong places and things, go back to the Lord and ask Him what He desires for you. When you have what God desires, there’s a joy that comes with it that it doesn’t matter what’s going on around you.

Now that’s the kind of joy worth searching for!